Thursday, January 28, 2010

an Extract of the Bible of Bro-dom

Whether we know it or not, each of us lives a life governed by an internalized code of conduct, some call it morality. Others call it religion. I call it "the Bro-Code"

You know on a certain level i would say that the Code of Bros correlate pretty easily with the Rules of the game. But i would rather not divulge so much information on that so you can just Google it yourselves!

It is my hope that, with a better understanding of the Bro Code, Bros the world over can put aside their differences and strengthen the bonds of BRO-therhood. It is then, and only then that we might work together as one to accomplish perhaps the most important challenge society faces - getting laid. Before dismissing the pursuit as crass and ignoble, consider this postulate: without the sport inherent in trying to bang chicks, would men willingly have sex for the sole purpose of producing smelly, screaming babies? please..

which brings me to Article 62!

In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs.
If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs.
If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs.
If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs (dammit*)
If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs.
Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet BROSHAMBO (rock paper scissors) shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.

which brings me to Article 63 *note to tag Bovies Chee

A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection

Brotection forms a central pillar - or, more accurately, a latex coating for the central pillar (heh) - of the Bro way of life. While a Bro is not legally or fiscally responsible for any repercussions of failing to provide protection, its not uncommon for a Bro to experience pangs of guilt after a fellow Bro becomes infected with a disease, many of which can last an entire lifetime, like when a Bro contracts..... children.

In the event that one Bro finds himself lacking the prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective manner, hi is in the right to expect another Bro to use all measures within or without his means to provide the aforementioned prophylactic in a timely yet discreet fashion. When a Bro signals his need using previously agreed upon code words, and/or body signage, it is understood that his Bro will discontinue all present activity (except the act of coitus itself - whereby the Bro vows to finish as quickly as possible), in order to respond with a panoply of options at the Bro in need's location. A Bro must utilise the most rapid method of transportation available while endeavouring to assist his Bro. In no instance may a Bicycle be used as this is not only humiliating but also potentionally harmful to the taint... errr i mean perineum (lol thanks phil) - a zone of tissue perilously adjacent to the sexual organs. In the event that a state, federal, international or galactic law is breached due to the recklessness, unacceptable levels of speed, and/or the hijacking of airborne vehicle(s), it is understood that the primary Bro will shoulder any associated legal fees or fines. However, any costs or damages incurred from the use of public transportation are the responsibility of the secondary Bro alone as this is an instance of QUID PRO BRO. Upon arrival at the primary Bro's location, the secondary Bro must exercise complete discretion so as not to disrupt the primary Bro's "flow" or Brojo . once the primary Bro has been supplied with the necessary prophylactic(s), the Brocedure is deemed complete upon exchange of the traditional, though in this case silent, high five. Tacit in this unspoken ritual is the understanding that said episode will never be mentioned again . .. . . unless its part of an awesome story.

So remember Bros, always uphold the Code!
crash out~


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